Just the other day I said I would workout to my DVDs.
I did not.
I was too tired.
Anyway, I recently mentioned that I started walking my son to school to help him with his struggles that stem from his ADHD and SPD…
Well, we’ve been doing that each day that he’s had school this week (which has been 4 days, since he had Monday off due to the Easter holiday)! …Let me tell you what happened.
The walk to school was rough (as he complained a lot), but he did it!And at school he had a perfect day! Monday I wrote his teacher a note that mentioned we had a new schedule and what was all included in that. I asked her to let me know how it was going. His teacher made a note on his behavior sheet that said to “see note,” and it included a smiley face. (Smiley faces are worth 2 points, and basically means that he did a great job that day.) I looked on the back of the sheet for a note, and didn’t see one for that day. I saw one for two weeks before, which was a bad note. My son told me that I was suppose to see the note on the back of the sheet from the few days before. I was suspicious of this, because I was wondering why his teacher would want me to see an old note and because it seemed odd that the note I gave his teacher was missing (as she usually gives me back any notes that I send her, and she writes a small note on them). I wrote under her note: “I don’t see any note?”
Anyway, he got to play games on my phone for an hour for his good behavior (which is the best thing ever in his mind).
This kid gets in shape fast! The walk to school was relatively easy.But when I picked him up and looked at his folder I saw a 1. He got a 1. Just when I thought that maybe his days might be turning around and that the 1.1 mile walk to school was enough to help, I was wrong. His teacher wrote a long note on the back of his sheet that basically said that my son told her he left the note in his room. She also said that he was dishonest about a behavior he did at recess, and that he blamed his actions on a classmate. That classmate had to sit out at recess. 😦 When I picked him up from school and read this note in the parking lot, I asked him where the note was. He said that he threw it away at school. I asked him why he was lying to me and his teacher. He said that he didn’t know. I then asked him about why he got his friend in trouble, and he said that he didn’t do anything wrong. I cut him off immediately and told him that his teacher doesn’t lie to me and that he needs to cut out his lying. I told him that he got one more chance to tell me the truth or I’d call his father. He then told me that he didn’t want to get in trouble. I told him that he is going to be doing chores for being dishonest and for doing that to his friend…
Later on in the evening, he asked me if he could play next door with his friend. I said, “Absolutely not!” He asked why, and I told him it was because he made his friend not be able to enjoy his free time with his friends, so now he had to know what that felt like. He complied, but was very unhappy.
He woke up very easily (for once!) as he was laying next to me when I woke up. The stinkbug/lovebug (depending on how I feel about his behavior at the moment determines which I classify him as) likes to sometimes sneak out of his room and into mine in the middle of the night… Kind of creepy, actually. Haha!Anyway, the walk to school was easy, and it was so nice this morning that he didn’t have to wear a jacket outside.
However, when I picked him up I saw that he had gotten a 1 again. This time it was for defiance (telling his teacher “no” and that he “doesn’t feel like it” when she told him to do things) and for pushing another child at recess (even though he meant it to try to engage the child in play, it is still unacceptable to me).
He was suppose to do chores (for being disrespectful), but he had homework that we had to finish, and so we didn’t have enough time to do chores. I told him that we would do chores on Friday morning.
He was being very defiant, and so he didn’t have enough time for book reading, which really upset him. However, for once, he went to bed on time!
- Friday (today):It took a little while to wake him, but he did get up… albeit unwillingly.
The walk to school was very dramatic…
This morning he decided that he would empty all of these jelly beans out of this water gun that my mom so fantastically–the sarcasm is strong with this one–got him. I told him that he was not bringing that to school or on the walk. He pretended he didn’t hear me–I can tell when he is pretending not to hear me versus when he is so fixated that he actually doesn’t hear me… it comes down to knowing how he is and gauging the expressions on his face. In the times that he is ignoring me, he has a look of defiance on his face (that ranges from a slight “evil-looking” sparkle in his eye to what some might call a “s***-eating grin.”) The struggle is real.
Anyway, he continued to ignore me as I definitely badgered him about giving me the gun or I would throw it away (I was half serious… I really hate his water gun obsession.) Upon hearing that, he reluctantly stood next to me with the gun in his hand and handed it to me.
I knew it. I just knew it. But I didn’t do it. I should have followed my “mean” mother instinct and taken it away until after school… but I didn’t. Instead, I was so happy that he finally complied that I bent in his favor. Sometimes, breaking the rules is something you need to do… for a child with ADHD I don’t recommend it! Anyway, I did something that made me feel like an empathetic mom who wants to let her child know that she understands him, but that something also made my inner disciplinarian mom scream, “Noooooo!”
I gave it back to him.
I know. I know…
I told myself that this would encourage him to listen to me more. I thought, “Come on, don’t be so harsh! Maybe it will make his walk more fun and encourage him to want to walk to school.”
Wrong! Sooo wrong!
I told him that he could only shoot it outside, and he did a pretty great job of listening as far as not shooting it in the house. I should have known what was going to happen when he shot it a few times in the garage as I was putting the dog’s harness and backpack on. But, I tried to be positive that this would be a good opportunity for my son to try something new and make the walk more exciting.
Right away, he was 200% more distracted… Not good when you’re walking in on a street that doesn’t have sidewalks and has lots of hills, and you have to dodge traffic due to there being cars parked on random sides of the street (instead of in driveways like courteous people who care about pedestrians and other drivers would do).
Also, he kept spraying towards myself and the dog after I told him not to several times. He eventually sprayed my shoe. Not cool when it’s about 44 degrees outside. I told him if he did it one more time I would throw it away.
The last straw with this stupid water gun was when a bus was coming toward us and he turned toward it and pretended to shoot at it. I told him that that was unacceptable and that he had to give it back to me.
A long 15 minute argument ensued, which resulted in horrendous and unsafe behaviors such as running into the street, running far ahead of me towards roads, running across roads without stopping or looking all directions, running and hiding behind trees, arguing, name-calling, etc.
I threatened to call his dad, and I actually did. My son’s father told me to tell our son that he would not get to play the iPad when he was over there this weekend!
His father is now on the same page as myself, which is relatively new. For many years, his father wanted me to be the disciplinarian and him to be the “fun guy,” and he would constantly tell me what a horrible mother I was and that he would take full custody of him. (What did I ever see in him again?) I’m pretty sure his father is bipolar, as his mother is on disability for bipolar disorder. His father is compliant these days, but for nearly 7 years he was not. He dodged child support, made all kinds of crazy threats to me, refused to be consistent with what I was doing at home with our son, and more, but he has come around for now. The point is that my son has a support system that is pretty consistent between homes. He did not always have that, and that has been a huge part of the problem.
If you’re a single parent there’s not much you can do when you have to deal with the other parent being inconsistent, but I recommend:
1. Hold your child(ren) to a high standard, and explain that these are the rules at your house.
2. Explain inconsistencies to the school district, counselors your child sees, and any other relevant people without your child hearing this information. Email this information or discuss when the child is not present.
3. Explain to the other parent what you are doing and why you are doing that. He/she may come around eventually, once they see that you’re doing it for the child’s best interest.
4. If the parent is a really unsafe influence (due to drugs, abuse, neglect, etc.), then I recommend getting full custody and not looking back.
But I digress.
My son goes to his father’s after school today, so I will not know how his day goes until Sunday. I will update that information then.
The point of this blog post is this: Walking has been helping with my son’s willingness to follow through with his school work and things that he is being asked, as it appears to take the “edge” off and allow him to concentrate better. However, I am strongly considering medication at this point.
On a “Mommy Workout” side note:
Today’s exercise was suppose to be a 3 mile walk/jog exercise. It was more of a long “brisk” walk that included jogging interval training. Of the four intervals: I missed one due to my son not wanting to participate and the other due to the noise of traffic. Noted: once the S Health App starts telling me to jog or run, I will pause it until after I drop my son off at school. The other intervals were very easy to me, and I could have kept going. Instead of doing more intervals–which, in retrospect, I totally should have–I walked longer than I needed to.
Also, a few months ago I was given 5 sample packs of a metabolism/craving/mood/hormone supplement called Bliss.
It’s normally in a pack called the Bliss Go Pack, which also includes the Opti-Core and Thyro-Drive. However, I was only given samples of Bliss, so I will only give my opinion about Bliss (once I’ve completed the series).
I figured that I would start taking them today, and I will update on how I think this helps me once I finish the set! I took one when my son was eating breakfast, and I planned on eating when I got home from my workout. Once I finish taking them, I will give a review of how I think they perform and what is has or has not done for me.